Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Waiting

I finished writing my first novel recently. This is a big accomplishment because after I started it and wrote the first 130 pages, it sat in my computer, unfinished, for a year and a half. I just didn't have time or creative energy to get back to it, until the end of this summer. Now I have.

It's not about Reiki. What? On my Reiki blog I'm posting about something not Reiki related? Wait, (ha! you have to wait!) I'll get to the point eventually.

I started it as a blog, creative writing outlet, and it's actually biblical fiction on the story of Adam & Eve and their experience as parents. I studied the story a lot during my graduate program, and always had a fascination for how much is left unsaid in the biblical account of the first family. I mean, you see nothing of Adam & Eve's experiences as parents, nothing of how their kids were as kids, and don't get to find out anything about the family dynamics or what happened when they discovered Abel dead and Cain gone, etc. So I started writing little character monologues one day, and continuing the story from different character's points of view, and after a while my blog posts were getting 300 hits and 25 comments. The blog server failed, and luckily I had backed up my posts, so I put them together and worked on continuing the story as a novel. It was a great creative outlet for me and fun.

So I finished it, and it turns out that it's a little too short to be a novel. It's a novella. So here I have a biblical fiction novella - not an easy thing to market. I started querying agents and publishers, and have begun collecting rejection letters.

But last night I received one email expressing interest in reading some. An e-publisher asked for a partial - that means 50 pages - in response to my query. I sent it off, hoping that they will come back and ask for the rest. The story really grows as it continues, even past the first 50 pages, and the character development does too. I kinda wish I could send the last 50 pages, you know?

This process, along with everything else in my life lately (i.e. my husband's ongoing job search, my Reiki class offerings waiting for registration), seems to be an exercise in patience and surrender. I've sent the pages off. Now I wait again. My husband has sent his applications in, and had some phone interviews even. He waits for the phone to ring. I've set up my Reiki class offerings. Now I wait for people to register. AAAGHH! Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Feels like it's all about waiting. I know logically that it's better to do what you can to enjoy the present moment than to be focused on what is coming down the pike. I mean, my hubby was home all summer, and we did lots of family things. Yesterday was our 13th wedding anniversary and we went out to lunch while the kids were at school. We'll take our youngest to the playground in a little while to let her run and play in the sunshine. All should be lovely, right?

But how do you get your thoughts to stop wondering what's going to happen and when? How do I stop the constant wondering when the phone will ring, when my email will come in, and when things will stabilize in my life? Chances are, there will always be something coming next - something to be waiting for - and if I don't get this wondering and waiting in check I'll never be able to live in the moment and truly enjoy it.

I'm always wondering how to stop the noise.

I'm going to work on meditation more - make time to incorporate it into my daily life because that's what I would tell my students if they present this same issue to me. Stop, I would tell them, take time and tune in and quiet the noise. I need to follow this. I know it. Blogging here about it has helped me focus on an answer. Sometimes just the act of sitting and writing can help because I'm just letting the words flow. Okay. I have a plan. I'm going to go and meditate.

Ahhh. I think I feel better already.

OM.

8 comments:

Kellie said...

I understand how you feel about the "waiting" I am feeling the same way in many aspects of my life right now.
Don't worry though , my friend, it will all come together when the time is right. On His time schedule not ours!!

Hugs, Love & Light!!
Kellie

Frank Dickinson said...

I've learned that the best Teachers always teach for within their own struggle. You, my friend have done that once again.

Thank you for sharing you, your journey and your insight. You make us all better by doing so.

Peace,
Frank

Alice Langholt said...

Kellie,

I know it, although it is hard to see sometimes when it feels like you're on hold. Yet I also know this must be the calm before the storm, and I'm trying to enjoy the quiet before teaching, a new job for Evan, and massive editing begin --all at once, probably! So that's the new idea for this moment.

Thanks so much!
Love and light,
Alice

Alice Langholt said...

Frank,

I guess that could be true. The best teachers are those who let you see what they learn from. I strive to be that kind of teacher, and person because sharing here is what brings me comfort that I'm not alone. I'm appreciated, and my struggles are shared by those who understand and find them insightful - :)

Sending you love,
Alice

Beth said...

But I want change NOW!!! As a Gemini, I'm most comfortable with movement and action. I LOVE change. So I totally understand your frustration, and your husband's. So, like you, I'm working on my meditation practice.

Best of luck to you!

Delia Rose said...

Alice, I can so relate to much of what you've written and cannot tell you how WONDERFUL I think it is that you've had the courage to write your novella and to also put it out there to all those publishers, never giving up. I have some ideas for your husband about work that I want to share with you & I look forward to our long association, my friend....
Peace, Love & Joy, Delia Rose

Alice Langholt said...

Delia,

Thanks for your comment, and it's always good to have people relating to how I feel. I realize now that I still have more work to do on the book, and when things settle down I will be able to access the muse and let her take charge again.

Meanwhile, please email me about whatever ideas you have for Evan. We can use all the connections we can get! Alice.langholt@gmail.com is the way to reach me by email.

Thanks and blessings,
Alice

Singing Bowl said...

Great post. New to your blog, but you got great writing style. You had some very interesting points that I liked. Looking forward to more of your thoughts.