Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Lull

I have lots of new things in the works. A network of energy workers that meets once a month, called The Energy Network, starts this coming Sunday. A new Reiki for Parents class starts locally this Saturday. A new section of the online virtual classroom Reiki Awakening Energy Healing Certification Program starts Oct. 12. And I'm starting to plan a Reiki Retreat for May 13-15, 2011. I have the location and a contract, and lots of ideas. So the ideas are flowing, plans are in place and in progress, promotion for the classes is out there. Now I am waiting for registration to come in.

My husband, Evan, had a second interview for a position that could potentially be a good fit for him. He is waiting for the call about whether they will offer it to him or the other candidate they were considering. That call is supposed to come today, but so many times the people say they will call on such-and-such a date, and they call days or even weeks later. Plus if they offer the position to the other candidate, it's unclear whether he will receive a call or be left to assume it wasn't for him. More waiting.

This is the hard part for me, and has always been my challenge - waiting. How do people do that? How do people wait for things to happen and stay calm? I have an influx of "what ifs" going through my mind as I try to plan for every possible scenario.

I know, I know. Be in the moment. Isn't that what I advise everyone else? Just be. Surrender. Let it go. You've done all you can do. Now the Universe will bring you the students. The Universe will arrange Evan's perfect job at the perfect time. All will fall into place.

But I'm standing on the precipice, waiting. And the phone is quiet. The email is bringing in ads and email newsletters that I wonder why I subscribed to (or if I did). I should be busying myself with other things so I can keep from thinking about it too much maybe. (Hey, maybe blogging about my feelings will help to soothe them. I think that's why I started this one. I'll let you know if it starts to work.) Part of me feels like screaming, actually. Not too cathartic yet.

I can do some self-Reiki. That helps for a little while. I know, I know. Be, surrender, let it go. Good words. Hard for me to hear right now, even from myself.

So I ask myself what will happen if...
  • No one registers for my class. I will have to cancel it. Then I will question why I keep doing this. Was it the timing? Was it the audience? Was it the marketing? Was it the content? Was it the fee? Was it me? If the Universe has given me this path (and it still feels like it is my path), and I'm marching on it full speed ahead, why aren't the students flocking (or at least enough of them to make a class happen) to fill them (and why do they always seem to come at the last minute, putting me through this horrible repeated wondering and creating a run-on-sentence problem?)

  • No one comes to The Energy Network meeting. I will sit there wishing people had come. Then I will wonder why people didn't show for this opportunity to share an hour and a half talking about energy healing, their practice, and giving and receiving energy. Was it the timing? Was it the audience? Was it the marketing? Was it the cost (I think it's very reasonable but what do I know)? I feel somehow guided to make connections and offer a supportive and open place for those who work with energy to mingle and share. Why hasn't anyone preregistered?

  • No one registers for the new Certification Program. I'll cancel it and wonder all the same things as above.
This waiting time is hard enough to have me wondering if a steady job with a steady income is a better choice than this life. My heart is deeply entrenched in Reiki work. I literally left a full time career to do this and resolved to dedicate this year to building my Reiki practice. I suppose this is no time to wimp out. The ideas are still coming, and I am running with each one as my head tries to keep up with my feet. My heart screams in protest when I consider changing direction again, even for a few minutes. Even my freelance writing work is unsteady, as I wait for new projects, or wait for payment for those I've completed. I blame the waiting for creating all this doubt. And also some tension about waiting for Evan to land that perfect position that he needs to help ease our money issues and make the waiting and planning easier on my end. It's a money flow issue, which I know I'm not alone in facing, given the state of our country's economy right now.

But it's all about waiting. And how to do it gracefully. I'm rather awkward at it, even still. Two weeks ago, acupuncture helped me with this. I know that Reiki can do the same thing. I admit that it's hard to get myself calm and quiet by myself to apply Reiki, except at night when I'm falling into bed. During the day I feel like running around and doing something and it's hard to slow down my body or my mind for long. Excuses, excuses, my inner self chides. Yeah. I hear ya, inner self. Ok.

Breathing. A good start. I am now going to take three deep long breaths. Here. Take them with me. 1.....2......3. Actually that helped. After I post this blog, I'm going to go take a shower and Reiki the shower head so I'm receiving a shower of warm Reiki with the water. Okay. It's a plan. I'm even going to continue with this mindful breathing at least once per hour, three times. I think I always need to know something I can DO while I'm waiting that will make the waiting easier, if I've done all I can otherwise. I have a new notebook for jotting down my ideas and I think I'll get started on making a list.

I close with a song. "The waiting is the hardest part."

Have a good one. Breathe with me today. Thanks.


Amy Oscar said...

I'm with you in the lull, Alice. And I hate waiting, too. Right now, I'm waiting for my editor to FINALLY finish the book proposal that we started this summer. (How long SHOULD this take?)

I feel as if I have literally been on hold, placed there by the gods that manage my life, since last Spring when I announced, "My book is finished." Sigh. I hate waiting.

Here's what I know, for what it's worth: We don't have to wait for this 'one thing" to solve our lives. I know that I want to write books, and I'm doing that, whether my editor EVER finishes that proposal or we EVER get it out to publishers or they EVER decide to print it - I am writing anyway.

In the meantime, because I have to pay bills and eat, I have another job, one that I also love and which, right now, provides my income.

You love Reiki and teaching Reiki and writing about Reiki. Do it anyway - and don't worry if no one shows up. Just sit there in the empty room, loving Reiki.

Alice Langholt said...


Thank you, in your ever-gorgeous prose, for letting me know that I'm not alone here in my quiet waiting room. I'm eagerly awaiting your book with you, by the way.

As far as sitting alone in the empty room with no one showing up...I can't help finding that image depressing. But it's something I'll try to get over and hope it doesn't happen. "Build it and they will come" has become my prayer and statement of blind faith.

And meanwhile, the other work continues until my field of dreams is lush and blooming.

Love you Amy.

Anonymous said...

Anticipation whilst waiting for things to come into fruition can be quite ledgering, but you will handle it fine. There must be something about the alignment of the planets because I too feel a lull a lot, so hard to center with all the sporadic thoughts flooding in, very difficult to self Reiki, there has to be somewhere inside of ourselves that we can go to quiet this out, perhaps some self hypnosis might do the trick. Melt and relax. Sometimes we forget to tell our bodies to relax, sometimes we forget that if we tell our bodies to do something that they will, have the mind to tell the body to relax, say this out loud to yourself, say "Melt and Relax self." and take a deep breath in and out, long inhale, long exhale and it will relax you a bit. The shower is a good idea, but how about a bath with some aroma therapy? I recommend using some patchouli, and lavender, the lavender will help soothe and relax the body and mind and the patchouli will boost well being and happy feelings. Also remember that our minds are very powerful and grow on what we feed it, so if somewhere inside you have all of these questions of doubt, that is just a mirror reflection of what your ego man sees, it sees who you are not or what is not, this is a normal common illusion, tell yourself you are great, because you are, and everything is going to be fine. What you are experiencing is much like what happens in those nervous dreams we all have from time to time when we are about to face something in our lives we are unsure of, like swimming for the first time, things like that, we all have that questioning, it's some sort of defense mechanism we are all imbued with. The reality is, things are going to be just fine, you have been through a lot in the recent past and you are seriously spreading yourself too thin at times and may need a small break from time to time, just some me time for yourself, a mini day vacation, or even just a few hours if that is all you can grab for yourself, but however small the time, even if it's a 20 min vacation in your own mind floating on a giant lotus petal on a mystical pond with woodland creatures running near by , it will at least be some escape for yourself, be creative, let your mind wander on something irrelevant for a minute or two, give yourself that for a minute, allow yourself to be just Alice for a few, you're good enough as Alice and don't need to prove anything to anyone except you, once you move past this and can be just happy when things turn out the way they need to on their own, cares and woes away, things will begin to clear up soon.
Sending some Reiki now.
Sat Nam, **(-_-)**

Dana Lisa said...

I'm right there with you in the Lull Space! I went from being super-busy with lots of growth in July/August to a complete standstill with my Reiki business in Sept/Oct. Like you, I've been working hard to put together new content, new classes, and marketing. And waiting.

I keep listening for an answer. I keep wondering what I should be doing of if there is really anything I can do, or if it's just out of my control right now. Maybe if I give up trying to control things, what I need will come to me.

I'm also trying to pursue Reiki as a full-time business after being laid off from my corporate job, and it's such an adjustment on so many levels. I felt strongly guided to do this work, and so many signs pointed in this direction...and like you, I wait. Surely, there's a deeper message in this that will be revealed at some point (to both of us!)

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying opportunities to have coffee or lunch with friends, or do something fun with my family on the weekends (which is usually busy with classes or client sessions.) Maybe that is part of my message - that I need to balance livelihood and pleasure, something I'm not always so good at doing.

Well, we do have #reikishare on Twitter to look forward to tomorrow night! Hugs!

Sarah Townders said...

Patients is what we are developing, even though I admit that it is the worst thing that we can do.

Lavender Lady said...

I actually took those 3 breaths as I was reading here! So necessary to just pause and regroup a bit.
I'm new here, and new to my own Reiki blog, but wanted to stop by and say hello!
I understand what you are feeling about the waiting being hard. We have assorted things going on here too and I've never been the most patient person but I'm working on it. Trying to take things one step at a time and take those nice deep breaths and practice self-Reiki!

Best of luck with everything. I'll probably add your link to my blog so I can come back and read more later. :)

Have a great day.

Living With Reiki said...

Sometimes when I'm feeling out of sorts with wanting things to "happen now!" I step back, look around at what I have, and give thanks for it.

We may not always understand why things are the way they are, when things will happen, etc. but we have what we need at each given moment.

The frustration can be a teaching point. "Why am I frustrated?" "What do I really need now?" "What positive supports are available to me?"

By being grateful and seeking positive solutions, I've found that "stuck times" can become joyful ones.

Hope this helps.

Best of Luck in your journey.


Winstrol said...

Your way of expressing thoughts through words is excellent. Great blog, enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work! Greetings.

Reed said...

I totally relate to what you're saying Alice. I experienced similar anxiousness when i started my practice. Sometimes the smallest things require a huge leap of faith. Taking intuitive, calculated steps is one thing... remaining present, graceful and grateful during the transitional periods is another complete set of challenges. Best wishes to you and your family. Know that you are part of a divine universal plan :)

Alice Langholt said...

Many thanks to you all for your supportive and inspirational comments. Namaste.

Reikihealer said...

I agree. It is difficult to play the waiting game. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is listening then someone will tell me about a Reiki experience they had and I realize all over again why we fight the fight. Because it's worth it.