The Hard Side of Volunteering for Hospice - it's Not What You Think

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Before I moved to Maryland from Ohio two years ago, I volunteered giving Reiki at The Cleveland Clinic, and The Gathering Place (a support center for people touched by cancer). Adding volunteer time to my life has been a wonderful and fulfilling activity. I get to know people, and do something really helpful, for which I feel so grateful. 

After moving to Maryland, I sought out volunteer opportunities where I could offer Reiki. I found JSSA Hospice, and they welcomed me. I've been a volunteer at for JSSA for a year now. I am assigned patients, go to them where they are living, and give them Reiki once a week. It's been a very meaningful experience, and I'm really glad to have the opportunity to do this work. 

Lately, though, in my hospice volunteer position, I've been seeing patients who are, basically, "in limbo." They're not actively dying. They're not really "living" either. It's a tougher experience. 

See, some of my patients before were basically ok, considering their diagnosis. They've been diagnosed with 6 months or fewer to live, and are still capable of having a conversation, and telling me where it hurts, and how the Reiki helps. We've laughed together sometimes, and really enjoyed our time. 

Other patients, (or eventually, the same ones) were actively dying. I know how to help these people with Reiki too. The Reiki energy helps them feel more peaceful, breathe deeper, have less pain, and relax. Even if they can't tell me, I can observe that the Reiki is helping.

My current patients are not in either situation. They are caught between worlds. They don't speak, and rarely open their eyes. Their care and feeding are 100% done by the nurses and other staff. They don't seem aware of my presence, and don't respond to my words. I can't tell how the Reiki is helping. I come, greet them, give Reiki, search their faces and bodies for signs of relaxation, or anything at all. It doesn't usually seem evident.  

I'm struggling with this, because part of me is berating myself for wishing for some sort of reaction. "This isn't about me," my inner voice tells me. "I don't need to observe a reaction or receive a 'thank you' to know that I'm doing something that matters. This is for my patients. It's not important whether it's a nice time for me." 

I have given Reiki to many people with cancer, and wished that the Reiki could make them better. I have learned that it's not about what I want. However, I do see that the Reiki is relieving pain and bringing a sense of peace and relaxation that is very helpful for them. So, in that way I can see some benefits happening, which helps. (Helps who? The patient, of course, but I think I'm really talking about it helping me. Helping me what? Helping me be reassured that I'm doing something that matters. Why do I need this? Don't I know that I matter? Isn't that an interesting chain of questions!)

This experience is different though - I can't tell that it's making a difference. I need to rely on my trust in Reiki, and my experiences giving Reiki to people who can tell or show me that it helps, to reassure me that what I'm doing is helping. This time, it's about having faith. Faith has always been difficult for me without the direct experience to confirm it. Even years of being a Reiki practitioner, and getting tons of positive feedback doesn't prepare me well for this. It still requires me to "just believe." 

I know that my past experiences have proven to me that Reiki works. I don't need to know how it works. I don't need to know what it's doing. I'm past that. 

I remind myself that I make a difference, every day. I matter. My words of love, my giving of time, my gifts of healing, they matter. 

Even by doing nothing, I matter. We all matter. Living matters because we all matter. Every life matters, and I know this. I know it in my soul. So, I do find it interesting that I need to sit and type this out to remind myself of what I've been teaching.

So, at these hospice visits, I take a deep breath. I show up. I say hello. I offer Reiki. I ask for peace and healing, for the highest and best, and I thank the Universe, my Guides and Angels, and Spirit for the ability to be of service.

And so it is. 

We are all God

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I made this video to express how I feel about spirituality - the Big Picture, so to speak, and all of the thoughts that I have about how things fit together - life, its meaning, our connection to each other, God, and the Universe, time, and otherworldly beings. It's pretty packed. 

I think that I could probably make more videos that expand on ideas presented here, but I wanted to ask your opinion about this, and how this video strikes you.

Thank you, Namaste.
Peace. Love.

For those who'd hunt the lion hunter

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I'm getting up on my soapbox now, because I'm disturbed. Here goes:

If you allow anger at a hunter to make you into a hunter, how are you any better than the hunter himself? 

Here's a question. Dig down deep and see if you can hear an answer. How would Love respond? How can we model for our children an appropriate way to deal with righteous indignation and outrage? Here's a hint: not by supporting vigilante justice, and not by encouraging violence against the perpetrator.

Publishing his address all over the net, death threats against him, his family, and his staff...those doing this have become hunters themselves. I'm disturbed by all of you. 

Let's do better, people. This is not what our country is about, not what we are trying to preach. This is not what we, as people who want more kindness in the world, are here to do.

Frankly, is this the way we want to be treated if we do something that someone else decides is deplorable? How would we want to be treated if we massively fucked up?

I'm not in any way condoning what he did. I agree that what he did was awful in every way.

I'm asking everyone to stop and think of the best way to respond which models the ethical behavior we are trying to promote.

Got any suggestions? Please comment here.

Facebook Feed Sickness

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Yesterday, I posted this on Facebook:

I was reading through my Facebook news feed. And, despite the fact that I follow some pretty loving and good-intentioned people, there was so much pain and sadness being shared. News stories featuring violence against people and animals. People mistreating others, devaluing life. My friends aren't trying to spread negativity, but as they rally against it, they're sharing graphic images, and I'm feeling the horror that the images are meant to bring forth.

So I needed some help accumulating some love and light, to counter that energy. And, in asking for help, I posted one sentence.

That sentence engaged a reaction from many of the wonderful people who are friends with me here. They shared comments, which you can read below. Beautiful words, full of vibrant love energy. Words which carry a high frequency that can heal.

If you are so inclined to receive this energy, read the comments. And if you want it to multiply, add yours and share this post.

The sentence I shared is:
Place words of kindness here. Go.
Thank you. Peace.

The response I got was pretty impressive. So far, there are 46 comments. Many compliments, and other positive words. Some shares. More are trickling in.

I see Facebook as a purposefully designed community. Each member of this community is invited into our lives by us giving them attention. It could consist of people, ideas, styles of music, movies, and food, but what's nice about Facebook is each post that we allow into our feed is there by our choice. (Except for ads, I guess, but we can adjust our preferences for those too). 

I choose to follow a lot of positive people and ideas, because that's representative of the ideas which I want to allow into my own field. That usually works out well. I see what's happening, get some inspiration, share my thoughts, expand, encourage, and share what speaks to me. 

But, I also notice that positive people sometimes try to be a voice for change. Nothing wrong with trying to make the world better - I'm all for it. But, sometimes in doing so, the post shared may include a horribly tragic link or image to get some attention to that cause. Seeing those posts feels almost like I decided to turn on the news. And I decided to turn OFF the news years ago. 

That's what happened to me yesterday - I saw many upsetting posts and pictures in my news feed. The causes were just, certainly. But the energy around the posts was inducing a visceral response, which instead of moving me to action, just brought about horror, grief, and an underlying feeling of helplessness. 

So, I posted this as a gentle call to action to be careful what we post, as pictures and words contain energy. Let's choose the most positive ways to share our thoughts intended to encourage actions that will make the world better. Kindness doesn't have to be motivated by horror.

Peace.

Taking it Personally

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It's become a regular practice of mine to invite my angels to play. Meaning, I invite them to bring me signs of their presence, bits of guidance, and even little happy surprises for my day. And then comes the fun part - I notice them and say thank you.

The things I notice might be things that other people dismiss. But I've decided to take them personally, which is part of this practice. 

For instance, we're on vacation at the beach this week. Every morning about 7:30 I walk to the ocean by myself and sit and enjoy just sitting, watching the waves, the sand crabs, and whatever comes my way. The waves come in, go out, stand out, then merge again into the larger body of water. They're a fantastic representation of the concept of flow. 

During my morning beach time this week, I've seen dolphins - which I love. And every day, there have been more. That delights me! 

I know I have a choice to think, "How nice. Dolphins. They're plentiful this time of year." Or, I can take it a step further and say, "Thank you, Angels, for bringing me this delightful gift of seeing a lot of dolphins, which I love." I choose to take it personally, just as if someone had given me a gift. Because it is.

Two days ago, I was having fun watching dragonflies zoom around me as I walked to the beach. I sent out a thought invitation to the dragonflies to come closer and visit as I sat on the sand. Within about a minute, a green-spotted dragonfly landed on my wrist and stayed for about 10 minutes. I admired the dragonfly, thanked him or her, and enjoyed the little gift of personal attention that I received. By the way, that's the only time the whole week that a dragonfly came that close, or landed on me or anyone in my family. 

Think of it this way - if you really could use a little pick-me-up present, and then someone gives you one, you don't ignore it or dismiss it, do you? You express your delight, and say thank you. Otherwise, the giver might not be so inclined to bring you want you ask for next time, because it sure seems like you didn't really receive the gift - and it seems that maybe you're not so open to receiving after all. 

If I ask for something, I figure I should be totally open to receiving it, rather than not really expecting anything, or even, too distracted to notice when I do. In fact, I'm not really "asking" as much as stating that I'm open to receiving. Asking comes from a place of lack or want. I am not interested in receiving more lack or want! I'm open to receiving a flow of blessings, wonderful surprises, and abundance from the Universe. I'm ready to offer the kind of assistance that's best for those who come to me for guidance, learning, or a Reiki session. I'm grateful to share the gifts and ideas I have to help make life better for others. That's how I live in the flow, as the ocean waves have been reminding me all week. 

It's like a game, and it makes life more fun to play it this way. 

I know people who see their life the opposite way. Something bad happens and they say that the Universe hates them, or that's what they get for trying, or something similarly self-defeating. They go around expecting the next shoe to drop, and so, guess what, it does. And then they feel justified, like the world just confirmed they are right about the way they understand their life. And, yep, they are. Why? Because they expected crap, and they got crap. That doesn't mean that they deserve any more crap than I do. But it does mean that the more you expect something, the more likely it is to happen, because you put all this mental energy into seeing the worst, and then put emotional energy (which is actually fear) into expecting the worst, so the Universe responds by manifesting what's expected. 

Turn that around by expecting the best, and anticipating it with gratitude, and a little excitement, and notice what happens. Try practicing living in the flow, and taking the gifts that come personally.

If something happens that you don't want, or don't like, that's not a personal affront. Instead, it's a chance to be open to something better, an opportunity to learn, reflect, or motivation to try something new. It's a gift of another kind. 

The waves come in, and go out. The tide moves the entire ocean further and back again. The tiny and massive ocean life are immersed in the motion of the flow. And for this week, so are we. My intention is to bring this lesson, and the energy of the ocean experience, back with me when we leave for home on Saturday. 

Blessings. 

This and more is holy.

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This came to me after a meditation. 

How would it be if we all could see and feel this every day?

Mind-Blowing Attunements

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I've been a professional Reiki practitioner and teacher for about five years. I've attuned over 900 people to Reiki. I have run a school for three years. 

And still, I feel like there's so much more to learn about working with energy, its effects on people, and how to understand the complexities of energy, guides, karma, past lives, ancestors, angels, and life path. 

Every time I work with energy or intuition, I learn something new. Every class I teach teaches me more. I'm constantly reading, seeking out classes to help me grow and deepen my knowledge.

And I feel out of my league sometimes. 

I don't have all the answers, and sometimes I don't know where to get them. 

Here's an example. I taught a Practical Reiki 1 class recently. Everything seemed normal. I spent the morning teaching how to recognize your intuition, and experience the energy. I gave a little Reiki to each student. Every student could feel the energy and identify how it felt to her. (Every student was female in this particular class). 

In the afternoon, I taught Level 1 and gave the students their attunements. During the attunement, everyone sat calmly, eyes closed, experiencing their attunement. Except, suddenly, one of the students fell to the floor and seemed to be having what looked like a seizure. She flopped around on the floor, out of control of her body. (I've never seen someone have a seizure, so I am going by what I have seen/ read about them). Shocked, we all jumped up and I asked if I should call 911. I was told to wait, because one of the other students knew her well and rushed over to help her. She held the student tightly (I held my phone tightly, finger ready to push those numbers for the paramedics!) and then the student having the episode started crying and recovered. 

She explained that she had started having an out of body experience during the attunement, which scared her and caused a kind of struggle to happen. She had never had an experience like this before. She is, however, very psychic and just discovering these gifts. 

The whole thing left me feeling shaken and uncertain. I suggested she follow up with a doctor, just to be sure. I've been processing, trying to align my experience with anything I've ever learned. I haven't been able to do this conclusively. I've heard from her since, and she's feeling fine, better, lighter. She reported that she feels like a big bunch of "stuff" was released. 

I've never seen anything quite as dramatic happen in one of my classes. Tears, yes. Laughter, yes. Students reporting amazing visions or physical cleansing symptoms (one student had dry heaves on the way home after her first attunement), yes, lots of times. 

I am left with the humbling reminder that this is powerful stuff I'm working with. Energetic transfer, or attunements, is serious business, and needs to be respected. I'm not in control of how a person will react to receiving an attunement. Once I intend the attunement to begin, and the recipient intends to receive, it's out of my hands, so to speak. 

But there's certainly no doubt that it works. 
And for that, as well as the opportunities to learn more every day, I am profoundly grateful.


What's been your most surprising energy experience? Please share here in a comment.